it's one in the morning and i decided i wanted to make a journal; i've been meaning to for a long, long time (mostly on behalf of my therapist, but she suggested a paper journal as opposed to a website like this. it's just easier to remember when it's on the computer.
today i've been feeling kind of bad. i don't really know why and it's not like anything.. happened? at all. i slept most of today, i don't know if it's something wrong with me (again) or if it's something to do with the new medications i've been prescribed. the doctor told me it would take a while for the medication to kick in so i don't know. i feel like i can't stand social spaces, online or otherwise. i feel so jealous every time, because everyone else seems to be able to get along while i can't. i dont understand why. i haven't left the house in weeks (maybe months?) and the idea of stepping foot outside doesn't necissarily feel anxiety inducing, but just like it's more effort than it's worth. actually everything feels like it's more effort than it's worth nowadays, however hard i try to get myself to WANT to do anything. i just can't. sometimes i'll wake up and i'll be motivated to do things, to kick things in gear, to get myself to get up and DO something, but somehow it just never lasts long enough. somehow i always come back to feeling like a fat lard piece of shit that can't even roll out of bed. hopefully the new meds kick in soon and they actually work